Old and New
Aug. 26th, 2024 10:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cmsvgpI went to sleep late again yesterday, despite knowing that I would wake up tired. I always think, 'No, tomorrow will be different - I can enjoy my night,' but it's a lie, and I know. I am foolish and this is the type of silly mistakes that get me a tired and moody, like now, having problems focusing on classes.
I fear a lot and I have the habit of hiding from things that make me anxious. Constantly avoidance, like a turtle living inside it's shell. As I said before, it's too difficult to take the jump, without knowing if the floor it's too far down. I fear of going blind, but it's a irrealistic terror of mine. I find .myself having to press my eyes closed to read the white board and street signs. I can't recognize letters from a few feet far from where I stand, and it scares me.
I'm probably fucking up my vision more and more while using electric stuff, like my ipad and phone. I want to read more physical books, but they are expensive and too heavy to carry around. Of course, further down the line surgery is a possible solution, but I don't like to think about hospitals too much, even thought I'm studying to have a chance to become a doctor. I wish I didn't have to, or feel obligated to. Though, after so long, I can't seem to differentiate at what point other's desires end and mine begin.
Yesterday, in the morning, me and Dad went for a walk by the beach. This time we stayed by the sidewalk, and didn't step on the sand - the tide was high, covering all the stones the marine animals habitat. I wanted to stretch my legs a bit, but there was already a race happening, so I couldn't go to the track, sadly.
I got home, ate, and promptly slept for three hours. I was so tired! But I'm guilty that I did not study too much today. I will try to be more responsible tomorrow. I will be.
The image displayed here is of my childhood plushie bunny, Pirata (Pirate). He is pretty old, around 19 years of age. I really can't remember the reason behind his name, but I think it suits him (it's a him, despite the pink color). I dragged him from his hiding place up on my shelves and boy, isn't he dirty! His feet were slashed, so I had to learn how to sew so I could treat his wounds. It's a bit botched, but everything is closed and firm, so nobody can complain against my first needle job. I will probably use a bit of fabric to cover it up later, but now he is fine as he is in my bed.
I fear a lot and I have the habit of hiding from things that make me anxious. Constantly avoidance, like a turtle living inside it's shell. As I said before, it's too difficult to take the jump, without knowing if the floor it's too far down. I fear of going blind, but it's a irrealistic terror of mine. I find .myself having to press my eyes closed to read the white board and street signs. I can't recognize letters from a few feet far from where I stand, and it scares me.
I'm probably fucking up my vision more and more while using electric stuff, like my ipad and phone. I want to read more physical books, but they are expensive and too heavy to carry around. Of course, further down the line surgery is a possible solution, but I don't like to think about hospitals too much, even thought I'm studying to have a chance to become a doctor. I wish I didn't have to, or feel obligated to. Though, after so long, I can't seem to differentiate at what point other's desires end and mine begin.
Yesterday, in the morning, me and Dad went for a walk by the beach. This time we stayed by the sidewalk, and didn't step on the sand - the tide was high, covering all the stones the marine animals habitat. I wanted to stretch my legs a bit, but there was already a race happening, so I couldn't go to the track, sadly.
I got home, ate, and promptly slept for three hours. I was so tired! But I'm guilty that I did not study too much today. I will try to be more responsible tomorrow. I will be.
The image displayed here is of my childhood plushie bunny, Pirata (Pirate). He is pretty old, around 19 years of age. I really can't remember the reason behind his name, but I think it suits him (it's a him, despite the pink color). I dragged him from his hiding place up on my shelves and boy, isn't he dirty! His feet were slashed, so I had to learn how to sew so I could treat his wounds. It's a bit botched, but everything is closed and firm, so nobody can complain against my first needle job. I will probably use a bit of fabric to cover it up later, but now he is fine as he is in my bed.
