cmsvgp | The Cat That Lived A Million Lives

I've been getting back to the rhytm of preparing for entrance exams and I'm glad that my motivation is back. It's a struggle to be consistent, I found out. To sit on the chair and study, to live in the moment without getting held up on the past or on the frightening possibilites of the future. As I write this I'm watching a essay video class, and one of the texts caught my attention: "When change is absolute, nothing that could be improved lingers, and not a direction is estabilished for a possible betterment; and when the experience is not retained, childhood is perpetual."

Inspired by Vashti (Vashti's Room), I've been trying to look more around the world and live actively, not passively throught the screens of my phone or through the lives of other people. In this modernity of fast pleasures, I lose myself too much in the escapism of reading and the media. I spend too much time wanting and not doing. Of course it's okay to immerse in the lives of the people around us, but I have to remember that is more important to live my own, not in a selfish way, but in an apreciating one.

There was an accident, yesterday, I think. An airplane fell down and fifty six people died. The wings were frozen I heard - many bad things happen because of negligence, I guess. I feel very sorry for them, and mostly for their families. It's one my many fears, dying while on the air. I've thought about it for a long while, after I got that realization that all of us get sometime - I'll die someday. Maybe it was while watching Titanic or one of these movies about these horrible tragedies but, I decided that if I could somehow choose the way I would go, I would rule out immediatly a death by water. After almost drowning several times as a kid, it scared me too much - and the ocean still causes me a bit of distress - I won't ever go on a cruise. It's weird, because when I sleep and dream about it, dying seems very peaceful, and I always feel that a had no regrets while living, grateful for everything that I could've experienced.

This week, when I'm in the car on my way home, I've been managing to spot The Cat everyday. She (for it uses a pink collar and I will take the chance to assume) lives in a little house that is smashed near big buldings, such as the one I live. The street in front of it is narrow, and only one car can pass at a time, which makes it perfect for slowing down just enough to spot The Cat sleeping pacefully between the plants inside the small gate in front of the yellow walls. The Cat is white with gray accents and, for what I could see from last year's night car journeys, her eyes seem a deep blue. There was some months were I couldn't find her for a while, and I was concerned she had got run over by a vehicle. I'm glad that she is alright and living her life sleeping in the afternoon sun. She reminds me of the movie The Cat Returns, by Studio Ghibli, and it makes me wonder what does she do during her day, where she goes and who she meets.

We watched the game of woman's volleball this afternoon - and Brazil won! It was very adrenaline inducing, and the points were very near each other - I screamed a lot. We ended up finishing a movie we started yesterday, 'RRR (Rise Roar Revolt)' about the colonization of the English in India. It was a pretty good movie, funny but emotional. They danced a lot and the music was beautiful, but it was very long (3 hours!).

The sky was blue and clear of clouds today. My dad said it was a 'brigadier's sky', perfect for parachute jumping. I think I'd never jump out from the height they do. I find them brave, to face their mortality so strongly as doing this type of things. I want to be bold like that too, someday.